How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
