Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
