i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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