hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
why is half of my head shaved?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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