how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
