the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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