u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
