i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
