Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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