i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
