Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
