I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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