I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
