does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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