i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
