1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
