Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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