Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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