Quick, to the slutcave!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
