What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
