I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
