we have pet lesbian snakes
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
