he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize