Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
