Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
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