i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
