I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
