you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize