I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
