Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just high enough for therapy.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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