I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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