I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You made out with two different species that night
I just had sex on a roof
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
