so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
