he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
