She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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