imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
