No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
