hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
