If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
