she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
