someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
