apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
