if you like me you must not know who I am
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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