things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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