What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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