I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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