the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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