when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
