Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
