Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize