so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
