I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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