rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
