he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
