I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
