i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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