I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
