I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
