There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just high enough for therapy.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
