Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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