Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
