My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
